too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
