the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
