why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
