I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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