I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
