dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
