if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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