He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
