So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
