My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
