Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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