ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
