I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
