where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
