Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
