Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
