i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
