dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
