it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
