My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
