New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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