So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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