Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
