All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
