well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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