Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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