guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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