Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This baby is an asshole
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
