How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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