Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
