Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
