Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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