Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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