Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Boobs are out for the taking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
