just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
