office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
