John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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