please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
