you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You've changed since you got that strap on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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