She said her name was "party"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
