I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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