I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
