just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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