apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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