im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
