Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
