Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
