Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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