We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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