So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm too high and old for this...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
