dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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