he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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